Anti-Gadget

OK, never do this.

Preparation:

Your Stubbs BBQ Sauce is running low, and it’s all at the bottom of the plastic bottle. It’s also cold from the fridge, so even though you could turn it over and leave it for a bit, the sauce is not going to make it to the top and come out anytime soon.

Then:

1. Put the tightly capped bottle into your over-powered microwave and zap it on high for 30 seconds. The idea being of course to heat the sauce up and make it runny so it will come out.
2. Watch the bottle balloon to the size of a grapefruit, and thank god the timer runs down just before you think the thing is going to blow.
3. Check the bottle, and see that yes, the sauce is now runny, and all down in the neck (since you put it in the microwave upside-down). Decide maybe it’s sort of OK after you let it cool for 20 or 30 seconds, and the plastic isn’t crazy hot to the touch anymore.
4. Uncap it.
5. All the high-pressure, superheated BBQ sauce explodes out of the bottle.

It blasts down first onto the plate, but ricochets off with such force that there is BBQ sauce on the ceiling, floor, and walls, spattering every surface. Fortunately, your body blocked a good part of the explosion, better that you are covered head to toe, arms, face, hair with BBQ sauce than to imagine that all that additional sauce could also be on the: walls, cabinets, undersides of the cabinets, windows, ceiling, beams, dishes, counters, spice rack, coffee maker, papers, gadgets, refrigerator, and everything else in an ten-twelve foot radius.

Know that for many years to come, despite the hours of cleaning with sponges, paper towels, and a toothbrush to get in the cracks, you will still be finding BBQ spots you missed.

This is yours. Own it.